Tuesday, 4 August 2015

A prophet's guide to breaking gates

It has been pointed out to me by Dawn that 'prophet' may be over-egging things a little bit, so she has agreed to compromise with Mystical Soothsaying Psychic Wizard, which suits me fine.
So welcome to A Mystical Soothsaying Psychic Wizard's Guide to Breaking Gates.


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Dear people of the Internet.
This is what happens if you don't read A beginner's guide to using gates.



Without wishing to go over old ground less than 24 hours after I wrote the above blog post, I shall boil it down to just this: If you open a gate and leave it swinging in the wind it will most likely make a failed attempt at flying, shear its hefty coach bolts, bend its steel hinges and split the wood, dropping one end to the ground and rendering it utterly useless. Just. Like. You.

The Crown Estate will then have to fork out for repairs, money for which will probably come from the Privy Purse or something, then in order to pay The Queen back the Government will increase taxes and cut overseas aid, which means that you'll have to find another penny for your beer and starving little orphans in Africa will suffer even more.

Think of the orphans. Or beer.
Thank you.

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